MARY'S PRAYER CONNECTION

A new website for Primary Caregivers will soon be up and running. This website is a place where primary caregivers can share ideas on how to care for themselves while providing care for a loved one. The website address is www.carecounts.org hosted by Webs.com.

Very often caregivers become so involved with caring for others they forget to care for themselves. This is an easy trap to fall into unless we stop and take a hard look at what we are doing to ourself. We can find we are completely exhausted and not really able to function well.

It is easy to fall into the trap of rising each day exhausted, depressed and on edge. We can begin to make mistakes regarding medications. We fail to remember times and dates and even forget to order medications. Sometimes it seems every moment of every day we are doing something for someone else. Being a primary caregiver for a loved one does not require us to live day after day neglecting self while doing for others.

Caring for a loved one at home can be very much like caring for small children. Remeber the times when you felt as though you did not even have to time use the bathroom. Taking warm shower was the one thing you craved. Well, caring for a loved one without caring for yourself leads us down the same path.

A caregiver cannot give what he or she does not have. It takes a lot of energy and time to be a good caregiver, but it is also necessary to take care of self to avoid becoming sick yourself. Sleeping well at night wipes the slate clean and provides the necessary energy for the next day. Staying up late at night to do housework or other things is an unwise and destructive habit to fall into for primary caregivers.

Rest is a real necessity even if it means calling in a family member, a friend or neighbor to care for your loved one or two nights a week. You can then take the night off and get a good nights sleep. During the day when your loved one is taking a nap is not a time to scrub a floor, wash the dishes or run the sweeper. No, it is a time to sit down, prop up your feet and read a good book, talk on the phone with someone or even take a nap.

Housework can and does wait! Dirty dishes are not going anywhere, they will be there when you have had some rest.  The washer works when you are resting so there is no need to run the washer just because there are some soiled cloths. Take care of self first because these things can and will always wait. However,  your personal needs  and those of your loved one cannot be put off until later.

The point is we as primary caregivers have a need to become creative in the way we manage the little time we have. After our loved one we are second and housework, cooking and cleaning are third, fourth and fifth on the list. Furthermore, quality time with our loved ones during their waking hours is important to them and us.

When our nerves are frayed because we are exhausted can easily cause us to be on edge and irritable while giving direct care to our loved one. Then we have to deal with the guilt we feel because we were rude or harsh with the very person we do not want to treat this way.

So, before getting to the point of exhaustion stop and make a list of all you do each day and decide how you can better manage your tasks and take better care of yourself. Providing quality care is important and can only be present when have the energy and strength to provide it.

If you had to make a choice would you protect your character or your reputation? I came across this question while reading the footnotes in Luke 3:4-14 NIV.

My knee jerk response was to say they are equally important. Later as I thought about this question, I realized there is a definite distinction and came to the conclusion. Character is of greater importance because character is who I am when alone or with others. My reputation is determined by others and their perception of who I am based upon my behavior in their presence or what others may have told them.

Character is reality and truth, while reputation develops from other peoples’ opinions of me, which may be true or false.Character is the person I am when alone or with others. Reputation is who others believe me to be. Character is what motivates ones moral standards of behavior. Character guides ones choice in choosing good over evil. It is a source of strength in those times one is tempted to choose evil over good.

Character is moral behavior and is based upon a belief system which dictates responsibility toward others. Reputation is the result of one choosing moral behavior or immoral behavior. While both character and reputation are important the source of our reputation is usually based upon how others see us, and our character is usually uneffected by our reputation.

A question most of us could spend time considering is, what is my goal, to build character or to build a reputation? Very often we find people more concerned about their reputation than their character. This is easily recognizable in the life choices made by some politicians. Many will readily attempt to assassinate the character of an opponent in order to win votes and gain popularity among their constituents.

In one of my Faith Formation classes we discussed the question, are you willing to die for your faith? One person immediately responded with an emphatic,"Yes!" Another followed with "No, life is too precious to me!" My first thought was to ask myself, where do we go from here?

I invited each person to expand on their response. As each spoke it became evident to me the first person was on solid ground. Speaking of her love for God; she shared her joy in knowing, believing and experiencing God's compassionate love for her. God's love for her would provide all the strength she would need to die for love of Him! To her, denial of faith was equivalent to denial of God; this she could never do is her personal belief. Thus we see an example of a person of strong moral character and most likely she has a good reputation among others although she shows little concern for what others may think of her. Who she is does not depend on what others think about her.

The person who said, "No, life is too precious", is unsure about her faith in some areas. She loves God, but has too many things she wants and feels the need to do. She is not ready to die for her faith because she has a lot more to learn about her faith. She has children to raise and other reasons she would choose life over death, thus she would choose to deny her faith rather than die.  As she spoke I heard excuses, but sensed fear of God rather than love for God. Several people then responded they really did not know what they would do if faced with the choice to deny faith or face death. 

We turned back to the original question,"Would you protect your character or your reputation?" The conclusion was both character and reputation are important however the majority believed character to be more important. They would strive to protect their character rather then their reputation. Being true to self was more important than worrying about what others thought of them.

I see a connection between character and reputation and one's response to the question, "Would you be willing to die for your faith?" My personal answer was by cooperating with daily graces from God and consistently choosing good over evil, I would be ready to make the right choice and die for my faith. Please God!

How does making a choice about our belief in God relate to our character and our reputation? Only one who has lived a disciplined life, daily choosing good over evil will have the strength of character necessary to be faithful to their beliefs in relation to God. Although someone may have a questionable reputation it is possible the reputation is false. He or she may in fact be a person of strong moral character although others have sought to negate this fact. Our reputation goes before us, whether good or bad, and is true in most cases. However, a poor reputation could actually be false.

Untrue rumors and personal opinions of others who may be jealous or determined to destroy another’s good reputation can quickly destroy someone's reputation. We see this everyday in the newspapers and news reports on television and radio. Putting others down to gain popularity in voting  campaigns is a cowardly way chosen by many senators and representatives both democrats and republicans.

Assassination of ones good character is a cruel and destructive habit practiced by the majority of politicians in today’s world. Few have clean hands in either party on this issue and each is just as guilty as the other for the state of affairs in our country.

The quickest way for a sitting politician or one running for office for the first time to loose my personal vote is to put down an opponent rather than tell me what he or she and can and will do to improve our present government. I do not nor will I ever vote for someone who wastes my time telling me how wrong, bad, uncaring, etc. another person is. I look for men and women who do not hide behind closed doors writing bills side-by-side with business and finance tycoons who fill their campaign coffers.

Politicians willing to accept money from others to get their votes are dishonest and unworthy of the title they bear. Those who waste precious time using filibusters and other nonsensical pettish maneuvers are people who are lacking in moral character. These men and women are selfish, inconsiderate, greedy politicians whose actions are leading our country down the road toward destruction. They care about themselves only and lack the courage to do the right thing and then blame others for the condition of our country.

So, what is more important your character or your reputation? Is your character strong enough to withstand all the temptations, which challenge your personal belief system? If not, please resign and make room for men and women who possess the moral turpitude to accept the responsibility of moral servitude; a responsibility which comes with the job of a United States of America, Senator or Representative.

It is time to keep your promises and stop blaming others for what in reality are your own personal failures. As a member of the legislature are you among those who continue to fail the people day after day, week after week, year after year. Stop blaming the president, because without you he can do very little.

When presidents fail to accomplish great things for the people it is because the Congress failed to act for the good of the people. Face it folks, if the president fails to bring us through this financial crisis, it will be you the Congress who really failed! If you fail to act in good faith; if you refuse to cooperatively work together to solve our problems of healthcare, bad mortgages, jobs and financial recovery; if you continue wasting time by yakking about other politicians and the president, then you as all of Congress will be seen as failures along side the president.

Take a personal inventory determine if you have the moral character to stand with the president and others seeking to solve our problems and get off the stump preaching about how great you are and how bad the president and others are. Otherwise your reputation for complaining, blaming others and shirking your responsibilities just might end your career as a politician.

If the shoe fits wear it on your right foot!

The Song of Songs is a love poem, which portrays a beautiful love story. It is the story of Solomon, a son of King David and his bride whose married life was a time of true discovery. Their love from the first meeting revealed their respect and admiration for the good qualities within each of them. The fulfillment of their personal needs, and wants, were secondary to the needs of each other; mutual love defined, lies within the stanzas of this poem. If read carefully one can discover the qualities of a Christian marriage, the same qualities which sustain any relationship built on mature love. Solomon and the Shulammite woman, a Jewish maiden desired to love rather than to be loved.

Solomon saw a beautiful woman working in a vineyard, probably one of his own vineyards and saw her dark skin as beautiful. The other young women were light, skinned and mistreated her because of her dark skin. She spent long hours in the sun caring for the vines in the grape vineyard. She defended her skin condition by saying, "My mother's sons …made me take care of the vineyards; and my own vineyard I have neglected." (1:6) Meaning she was unable to care for her skin properly because she worked in the sun, for many hours each day.

Love at first sight touched the heart and soul of Solomon, and eventually he returned to the vineyard to find her. He had many wives, but the beauty of this young maiden penetrated the depths of his heart. He saw her as lovable and this love brought forth the inner beauty of the young, Jewish woman who was also, love struck by her first encounter with Solomon. Love brings forth the beauty lying beneath the skin of the one loved.

The Song of Solomon contains five main themes love, sex, commitment, beauty and ordinary problems married couples face. The Song of Songs is a tribute to marriage describing the purity and sacrednessof a love shared between man and woman. Christian marriage is a marriage union in which God, the epitome of love, places His seal of approval upon the couple.

The Song of Songs has often been, suggested as the story of God's relationship with Israel, the story of the relationship between Jesus and His Church, the union between Christ and an individual soul and some believe parts of the poem to be symbolic of the relationship between Jesus and his Mother Mary. Yet it is also a story of the sacredness of human love, a love between man and woman, one of mutual respect, care and concern of the loved for the beloved. The true meaning of this poem does not come from the individual exchanges of expressed love but from the poem as a whole.

The words of explicit sexual intimacy reveal the depths to which unselfish love can flower and grow. It is not hard to imagine the love between Adam and Eve, which must have existed prior to their fall into sin. Adam was lonely and we can only imagine his reaction to his first sight of Eve. His words were probably very similar to the words of Solomon.

After their sin, sex became,often motivated by lust rather than commitment and love, which happens too often within many relationships. Somewhere along the way, sex has ceased to be a gift of love for the beloved and become something to seek for one's self.

Each section of Song of Songs is a separate poem within a poem. The first poem provides the details of their Wedding Day during which friends spoke of their own love for this young maiden. "We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine." (1:4b) How, beautiful and yet how opposite from today's world; friends often seek the wine and forget; love is the reason they were invited to the Wedding. Solomon says to her after hearing her friends' comment, "How right they are to adore you." (1: 4)

He is a man rejoicing as his bride is praised in a beautiful expression of love by her friends. Secure in the knowledge of her love for him, Solomon bears no jealousy his love is too deep for this. What a compliment to him as friends express their love for the woman he has chosen for his bride.

Solomon: "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.

Bride: "How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.

Solomon: "The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs."

Bride: "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys."

Solomon: "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens." (1:15-17,2:1, 2)

This conversation between the newly married lovers is so similar to conversations of many couples in love, at the beginning of their marriage. Some are able through daily renewal of their commitment, to keep this love alive for many years. Some loose the luster of the early experience of loving and being loved and cease to communicate their love. The flames of love, the feeling of being, loved and the emotional,feelings which come with loving another grow lukewarm, and in some cases cease to exist. This was not the case with Solomon, and his bride, their love persevered

Following the consummation of their marriage the bride conversed with her friends saying, "I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins; refresh me with apples for I am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. Daughters of Jerusalem,I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or waken love until it so desires." (1:15-2:7)

The bride reveals the secret, of the sanctity of the marriage bed, "do not arouse or waken love until it so desires." (2:7) Her warning to the Daughters of Jerusalem, her friends, is simple and straight forward. Her meaning lies within the joy of her first intimate encounter, in which two bodies unite as one. The afterglow was worth the wait! Save your virginity for the wedding bed is a message of warning she gives to the other maidens. She preserved her virginity, which increased the love of Solomon for his beloved.

The deep feelings of love can be stilted, when those feelings of love are permitted to grow out of control and the commitment to love becomes a commitment to lust. Too often the tragedy of young love! The feelings of love and the commitment to loving must grow together to build a mature relationship prior to marriage or the marriage will not continue as one which can withstand the tides of time.

Saint Paul sums up the voice of immature love in these words, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love. I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Cor.13:1) Professions of love from the mouth of immature love, is like a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal."

A Christian marriage finds its stability in a mature love, a committed love,which includes such qualities as compassion, mutual support and respect, understanding, honesty, moral integrity, courage of conviction. A Christian marriage is marriage based upon mutual mature love. It is a marriage in which both man and woman, adhere to the principles of right reason and willingly forgive and allow the hurts to heal. Both man and woman must have the ability and be willing at all times to forgive and to accept forgiveness.

However, not all marriages begin with mature love and in some cases one spouse or both spouses may be incapable, of making a lifetime commitment at the time of the marriage. We seem surrounded today by the tragedy of broken marriages, some which result in divorce or separation and others in which partners live separate lives under the same roof, incapable of conflict resolution. They lack either the desire or the ability to cope honestly with the reality of their relationship.

There are also marriages in which the absence of moral integrity of one spouse demands the dissolution of a marriage in order for the other spouse and children in some cases to rebuild a life of love, peace and harmony. Tragically, the basic cause; a marriage based on immature love is too often, undiscovered by the man and or woman. Sometimes the partners simply are incapable of resolution and dissolution is the end-result. If we ask young people who are about to be married, "Why do you want to get married?" Many will answer to be loved and the answer should be, to love. To marry because one wants to be loved is an unhealthy reason.

The Power of Love is one of the themes within this love poem revealed in the words, of the Shulammite maiden,"Place me as a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot wash it away, If, one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." (8:6-7)

Saint Paul describes the qualities a mature love in following manner, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails,…When I was child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, When I became a man  I put childish ways behind me. …And now these three remain; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love." (1Cor. 13: 4-8, 11, 13)

Paul's description of love is the definition of a mature love, a love, which perseveres and holds a marriage together in those times when tragedy,  misunderstandings, illness, unintended slights and other problems strike at the heart of a marriage. In the marriage of Solomon and the Shulammite woman loneliness, indifference, isolation, fatigue, in attention to love, and other barriers, which turn love cold, created a lapse of communication within the marriage. The young woman turned away from Solomon and did not open her door to him when he knocked. Hurt by her actions, he turned and walked away from their home.

Realizing her actions resulted in Solomon leaving their home, she began to examine her own conscience and then to accept responsibility for her own behavior. She did not become angry and blame her husband, but went out to search for him, to seek forgiveness and his return. Her love is a mature love and while there was a brief lapse in her focus on her beloved, she took the necessary steps to resolve their conflict.

Faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love! She had faith in herself, in her husband and in their marriage. She kept her hope alive by being honest, letting go of pride and holding onto the belief in her husband's love for her. Her love for herself and for Solomon gave her the courage to admit her failure to love and to seek his forgiveness. The sanctity of their marriage was preserved, deep in her heart she believed, "I am my lover's and my lover is mine," to me a lasting symbol of God's love for us and what our love for God should be.

May God bless and keep you and those you love, in the palm of His hand all the days of your life.

Psalm 103:3-4, 8-13

“…who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you withlove and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s… The Lord is compassionate and gracious slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor Hisanger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us accordingto our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great isHis love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is to the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;” NIV

We find in this Psalm a list of qualitiesattributed to God our Father and they are   qualities of a loving father for his child.Reading this Scripture reminded me of the summers I worked as an obstetrics technician in the delivery room of a local hospital.

One of the thrilling experiences was watching the face of a first-time father, as I placed the newborn child into his outstretched arms, for the first time. Tears of joy overcame some of the fathers; some overwhelmed by love initially and unable to express outer emotion, soon smiled. The reality of holding his first child touched him deeply; now he could say, I am a father.

In this moment, I saw the face of God, the face of a father in love. There are few things in life, which reveal the attributes of a loving God more than such a moment. I cherish in my heart the scene of love, compassion and promise created in these first encounters of father and child. As the father gently held his child and moved toward his wife to deliver back to her the baby she just delivered to him. I know there was rejoicing in heaven and the angels sang 'alleluia, a child is born'. For a moment, all in the room felt the presence of love, the presence of a father’s love, a reminder of Our Father’s love.

I remember my father and his love for each of us. He was a giver of life, a forgiver of sin, a healer of hurts who provided for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of his children. He was a tower of strength, a man whose wife and ten children lived in the shadow of his compassionate love. He was slow to anger; correcting our transgressions without harboring his anger. The greatest punishments were those, which revealed his disappointment because of our sins. Yet, he never repaid us according to our iniquities. Our love for him in response to his love for us caused all the pain we needed; we never wanted to disappoint him, our only fear was the loss of his love.

One of the ways my father showed his love for us was to invite each of us to go fishing, hunting or elsewhere with him, alone. In my youth, I went fishing with my father. My mother would always smile, when I told her we were going fishing. For a long time I did not understand her smile. After several trips, it dawned on me to question why my father took only one oar and one fishing rod each time we climbed into his little wooden boat. My Dad did the fishing and I did the rowing. In time, I began to question why my father did this and I began to regret my desire to go fishing.

I remember the day I told mother I did not want to go fishing anymore and she simply smiled. She held the secret of our fishing trips in her heart until the day I learned the lesson my father was slowly teaching to me. I learned much more than how to row a boat as we talked.

He said, “Do not allow others to take advantage of you as I am taking advantage, of your willingness to row the boat while I fish.” I was rowing the boat only because I never questioned his actions, I just rowed the boat because he asked me to. My father wanted me to learn, giving of my time and talents for the good of others is a gift of love for God and for others, only, when I freely choose to give of my time and talent.

Mother knew my father planned to teach me the difference between allowing others to use me, because I wanted to please them and doing things for others because it was the right thing to do or because someone really needed help. I was a very gullible child and I believed everyone is good. Allowing others to take advantage of my willingness to please concerned my father and my mother.

This is one among many lessons, I learned from my father, the final lesson being on the day of his death. He was sitting in the kitchen fixing a broken wind chime for me. As I passed behind him, I had a sudden urge to turn around and hug him. I did not do this and continued up the stairs to my bedroom.

A short time later my mother called to me from the foot of the steps and as I looked down at her she said,“Daddy just collapsed in the bathtub come down and watch for the ambulance.” I ran down the stairs and into the bathroom to find my dad lying motionless in the bathtub. I reached for his wrist to check his pulse, knowing there would not be one.

My father was dead and I would never be able to hug him again. I learned never to put off showing others our love for them. We do not always have a second chance when we ignore gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit, throughout our life. A painful lesson to learn and one I have not forgotten.

My father had compassion on his children as the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. Because of my father’s love and compassion, his children know the love and compassion of our Heavenly Father. All of his children have memories of special times when our father taught lessons we needed to learn.

The love of our father extended from east to west as does the love of our God and our fear of God is as the fear of our father, a filial love which draws us to God and drew us to our father. Our father and mother have died and the lessons we learned from them continue to guide our journey toward the home of our Heavenly Father.

For all fathers I offer a prayer of thanksgiving, seeking God’s choicest blessings upon you and wishing you a Happy Father’s Day each day of your life!

70 x 7 times….Was Jesus kidding when He said this?

We are just human men and women with our weaknesses and  frailties, so how could Jesus possibly mean we must forgive those who offend us at least 70 x 7 times? Isn’t this really, unrealistic? Was this statement just a suggestion?

Much of what Jesus said was in parables and stories for emphasis? Perhaps this was something the over zealous Apostles wrote thus exaggerating the words of Jesus. Maybe this was their way of making an impression on the people to whom they were preaching. Nobody can forgive all people all of the time especially 70 x 7 times. Don’t you agree?

In Matthew 18:21-27 it is clear Jesus is talking about each of us. We sin and plead for forgiveness and in His love and mercy God forgives our sin.

In the same chapter verses 28-31 we read about one who is forgiven goes forth and refuses to forgive someone else. Then others who noticed this refusal to forgive began to complain. We do this sometimes. We become aware of someone refusing to forgive another and take the side of the one who is un-forgiven. We even talk with God about this by complaining about those who refuse to forgive.

The chapter continues in verses 32-35 where we read about the master dealing with the man who refused forgiveness. This is what God will do if we refuse to forgive. By our refusal to forgive another we are condemning our self.

One of the Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Prairie is "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall have mercy" and of course the opposite is also true. Condemned are the merciless for they shall be denied mercy.

In Matthew 5:21-26 we learn more about dealing with anger. In these verses we come to realize murder is not only actual physical murder but the wounding of another in any manner. Inflicting any kind of pain upon another is a form of murder. Killing the spirit of another is a sin against the commandment you shall not kill.  And the prison for us when we refuse to forgive is lack of peace of heart and mind. Inner peace cannot live in the heart of one consumed by anger.

In Matthew 6: 5-14 we find the Our Father which consists of seven distinct petitions.  The first three petitions refer to our love for God: Hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done on earth and in heaven. Then we state our expectations and we seek God’s mercy saying, Give us our daily bread; Forgive us our trespasses; Lead us not into temptation and Deliver us from evil. Then we pray the doxology saying, For the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory are yours now and forever. Amen (So be it)

The Our Father is a prayer in which we tell God what we want and what we expect to receive. We in effect say, let me have what I have asked of you, Lord. Let it be! We ask God to forgive us as we forgive others and sure enough, God will forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do we really want to risk saying these words

when we refuse to forgive another?

One of the sad things about our refusal to forgive is too often, there really was no offense against us. We perceived an offense, we misunderstood a word; an action or a turned head we assume someone snubbed us or said something negative about us. We allow this assumption to lead us into a false belief and hold on to our anger. We sometimes even become bitter and speak cruel or insensitive words to or about another.

Example: My father had an older half brother who owned a grocery store and tavern. For a brief time a relative worked for him as a bartender. One year at Christmas time, this uncle came to our house for a visit and sitting on the kitchen cabinet was a bottle of whiskey in a Christmas box. Seeing it my uncle immediately assumed this relative had stolen it from his bar and given it to my father. My dad tried to tell him a salesman had given it to him the previous day as a Christmas gift.

My uncle called my dad a liar and returned to his bar where he fired the relative. From that day until the day my uncle died, he refused to speak to my dad or the person he fired. My dad tried many times over a period of several years to resolve this conflict to no avail. In his final hours before his death my dad took his hand, he immediately pulled it away. Dad again tried to reconcile with another plea for forgiveness. My uncle refused to speak and died during the night. He died having never forgiven what he perceived to be a theft which never happened.

 Was Jesus kidding when He said we must forgive 70 x 7 times? I do not think so. I believe we are to love others as we love our self, which requires us to forgive others as we want God to forgive us. We must be men and women of the towel and water. We must be willing to wash away our anger dry our tears and let go of those offenses committed by another toward us. We may remember an offense but we must let go of the memory of the pain, hurt and anger.

Vengeance is mine said the Lord and refusal to forgive is a vengeful act of the will. Lack of forgiveness of others is our inordinate desire to cause someone pain, to cause someone to suffer as we suffer, to cause someone to regret what was done or what we perceive to have been done. We cannot control someone else but we can control our self. Refusal to forgive self or others is a refusal to believe, to hope and to love a God who forgives us again and again.

We are called to holiness, we are called to strive toward perfection…Scripture tells us we are to be perfect AS the Father is perfect…Be merciful AS the Father is merciful and Love one another AS Christ loved us. So, Jesus was not kidding when He told us to forgive 70 x 7 times. Because we are Christians the word AS makes a big difference in our relationship with others. Jesus used AS in the phrase above and He also used AS in the Our Father the prayer which He taught us.

If we pray the Our Father without being a forgiving person we are asking God not to forgive us. This is one risk I do not want to take and I believe we can and we must forgive others Seventy Times Seventy Times. A number without limits. Otherwise we will never possess peace of heart and mind. We cannot pray the Our Father unless we skip the words, "Forgive us as we forgive others" unless we forgive others.

Catholic haters across the world are having a field day with the latest news about priests abusing children. Since the time of Pope Pius XII many have sought reasons to condemn the Catholic Church and revel in the news about the short-comings of priests across the globe.

Yes it is true there are, there always has been and there will always priests who abuse children. There are, there always has been and there will always be fathers, uncles, grandfathers, brothers and cousins who abuse children.

The perpetrators of child sexual abuse across the world are often unknown because children do not tell parents or others of the abuse. Today thousands of adult men and women are suffering silently again. Hearing of child sexual abuse by anyone forces them to recall with sadness their own sexual abuse 5, 10, 20, 30 are more years ago.

In the 1940's and 50's abuse by a priest was unheard of simply because they were safe, hiding behind their Roman collars. They were safe because children suffered in silence and told no one. The priests counted on the child's fear of getting spanked or slapped for accusing a priest of abusing them. They were more afraid of their parents than the abuse. Priests were on a pedestal and considered by many to do no wrong. A child who spoke disrespectfully about a priest was a child whose parents punished him/her.

Our world is full of adults who were victims of priest pedophiles, fathers, grandfathers, unlces and others. Some children were able to avoid their abusers while accepted this as something they could never stop. It is understandable a child would hide this horrible secret the first time it happens, but it is difficult to understand why a child would not tell someone if the abuse continued. Unless you lived through this period of what now seems irrational, you cannot understand the fear which caused children to suffer in silence.

Pope John 23rd opened the windows of the Catholic Church. This led to many changes within the church. However, Pope Benedict is facing a time when not only the windows but the front doors of the churches will be opened up. Even the front doors of parish rectories will be opened up and faithful Catholics and others will force the leaders of the church to clean up the mess created by pedophile priests.

My personal prayer is for all who suffered at the hands of priests or others as children will one day find peace of mind and heart as well as the wisdom to forgive their abuser. Only when forgiveness overcomes anger, hatred and bitterness and the false expectation; peace of mind will come with public humiliation and court battles will victims find the peace of mind they seek. Forgiving an abuser is not something we do for the abuser, it is  a precious gift we give ourself.

First I want to thank all those who have prayed for my brother's recovery. After many weeks of bad news from the doctors treating him, a final surgery was performed five weeks ago.

The purpose of the surgery was to debride the open knee wound. For the previous six weeks a wound vac was used continuously however there was no evidence the wound vac was working.

Wound vacs normally draw infection from an open wound which leads to healing from the inside out. This was not happening in my brothers knee, the infection was taking over and the possibly of an amputation was fast becoming a reality.

However, when the doctor began the debridement procedure he realized the source of the infection was under the kneecap. When he turned the kneecap over he could easily see a large amount of infection below the kneecap. The doctor also found a large amount of infection had attached intself to underside of the kneecap. He was unable to remove all of this harden infection. At last he knew the source of the infection and removed the kneecap. He then washed the wound with six liters of antibiotic solution using a spray and suction procedure often used in certain types of surgical procedures.

Today my brother's wound is completely healed and for the first time since September there is not a gaping hole in the center of his knee. One more week of Vancomycin IV

therapy twice daily. The doctor has promised he would let my brother stand on both legs for the first time in six months.

Only God's intervention led to the decision for a final attempt to surgically intervene, one final time. This would be his fourth surgery and the doctor had said he did not know what else he could do. All he had to do was cut upen the wound from end to end and God led him to the source and cause of my brother's inability to heal.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him for taking control and leading the doctor to the source of the infection. Praise God because my brother will walk again one day soon.  When we ask the Father for anything in the name of His Son, Jesus, the Father will  answer in His way and in His time. All I can say is, God said He would and He did!

It seems as though everyday we hear more about war, terrorism, suicide bombings and an abundance of violent actions by many. Everywhere in the world there appears to be discontent, disagreement and diabolical destruction of human life. I can hear God crying out pleading for a cease to violence and reverence for your life and that of others.

Many believe war is the result of selfish, greedy men and women who only seek more and more of what belongs to others. Yet the real cause of war is the absence of personal spirituality. War is a spiritual thing which can only be resolved when spirituality takes the place of fears, which smoldering in the hearts of far too many people.

The spirituality missing in our world is the lack the peace in the hearts and minds of men, women, teens and children across this earth. Only when people resolve the conflicts smoldering deep in their own souls, can peace overtake war.

The unrest in the hearts of people everywhere is the result of physical, emotional and psychological injuries suffered at the hands of others. These deep seated injuries will remain in the hearts and minds of those refuse to deal with them in a rational manner.

These deep seated injuries cause fear and unresolved fear always becomes anger over time. The very next time someone inflicts pain on you by words, deeds or actions of any kind and results in an emotional rage which fills your heart and mind, ask yourself these simple questions. Find the truth for only the truth can set you free of these emotions.

Of what am I afraid? Afraid it will happen again? Afraid others will find out and talk about you, behind your back? Afraid someone who saw you injured will not defend you but will blame you? There are many reasons for the fear which suddenly fills your heart and mind and even causes you to tremble in anger when another attacks you in some manner. 

Until you discover and name your fear then deal with the fear by overcoming its effects on you, your fear will continue living in your heart and mind and will overtime become anger. Anger only comes from the primary emotion of fear.

Each time there is a reminder of the injury imposed by another if you continue to feel the anger toward this person grow within you, physically, psyschologically and emotionally. If you become angry each time you see the person or even think of the person you have not resolved the fear associated with the injury. Each time this happens the anger causes greater injury and overtime this anger will turn to rage.

It this rage we speak of when using the term, the rages of war.

It matters little whether your anger is from a real or a perceived injury. It matters not whether the anger is justified or unjust. It matters not whether you ever see this person again in your entire life or see him/her everyday.  If you choose to ignore fear you will never know inner peace and true spirituality will be lacking in your life. It is this peace which prevents wars. 

Unresolved fear leads to anger and unresolved anger leads to rage and unresolved rage leads to wars. All of this is due to the absence of peace within the hearts and minds of people everywhere who do not live in the Spirit.  Not living in the Spirit is the absence of sprituality, which leads to war whether they be personal wars or wars which involve armies of men and women. 

Whether our wars are fought on foreign soil or in our own homes, neighborhoods, streets, churches, synogogues, temples, restaurants, workplace, nightclubs, schools, gyms it matters not. It only matters whether we have peace living within our heart and mind. It only matters that we have awareness of the presence of the Spirit of life living within. Only then can we be a channel of peace to others and channel of peace which can resolve the smallest battles and largest wars.

Wars result from a lack of the spirituality revealed in the heart and mind of those who live in the presence of peace. A peacedul heart is the right of every human being. How can you own a peaceful heart and share your interior peace with others? We all can if we are willing be a person who prevents wars rather adding to cause of war.

In the last few days I have heard many different people on radio and television ask the question. Where has civility gone? I too am wondering about the most recent displays of adult behavior which not too long ago would have been considered rude, crude and unattractive by the majority. However, for some reason many people are applauding this behavior as acceptable, justifiable normal adult behavior.

Seeing senior citizens screaming at each other and politicians. Seeing adults of various ages screaming vulgar explicatives at politicians and others. Seeing signs with words, which would have been considered treason even forty years ago. Seeing adults of all ages calling others names which are degrading and often imbecilic. I am in a state of shock over what I have heard and witnessed in recent weeks.

I recall when name calling was a sign of ignorance, a sign the person speaking is too uneducated to speak grammatically in complete sentences. What I conclude from all of this is, the state of affairs in the United States is the worst we have seen since the 1920's when teens decided being rude and intolerant of adults was the intelligent thing to do. Then came the 1960's when doing your own thing and if it feels good do it, mentality  was the in thing. During these years we witnessed the tragadies of the race wars. I for one do not believe this is the direction we are heading as some folks believe.

For several years we were being told that within in a few years there will be more blacks than whites in this country. Now we are hearing mexican immigrants are the fastest growing group in the US. Does this frighten both blacks and whites alike?

It appears the election of President Obama has set off a new phenomena never experienced in this country.  Everyone is afraid ! Fear is a primary emotion which when unresolved generates anger, a secondary emotion. The real source of our problem is not a problem of color it is a problem of unresolved fear causing spontaneous combustions all over the country. Never in the history of the country have we seen such utter lack of self control among senior citizens.

We are lacking the ability to stop and think before speaking out in verbal tirades of illogical and irrational verbage. Adults have lost control of the ability to think clearly, which results in sputtering incoherent sentences. Many have lost their ability to speak a sentence lacking in explicatives, insults and angry words.

This is what fear does to people who have lost faith in themselves and others. It does not matter who our leaders are we are the adults of this nation. We are acting as though we have lost complete control of our senses. I expect to begin hearing about kids calling the "men in the white coats" to come get their parents and grandparents who have lost their minds.

Unresolved fear leads to anger. Unless we are able to deal with fear we cannot prevent anger from overtaking our thoughts and ruling our behavior. Eventually we will explode into angry, verbal and or physical attacks against others. Worst than this are those who turn on themselves and self-destruct.

It is time for each of us to stop, look within and think about what we are doing and saying. It is time to look in the mirror and find the real self. I do not believe the people we are seeing in news reports, on facebook and other social networks are the real US.

The people of the United States are better people than we have been seeing in the past couple of months. It is time for the real Americans to stand up for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness through logical, coherent dialogue. It is time to drop all the uncivil ramblings.

Fear is the real problem. Resolving personal fear is the first and most important answer to the question of where has civility gone. The internal pressure of fear is bringing thousands of citizens to a boiling point and we are seeig the results of unresolved fear.

God grant us the knowledge to name our fears; the wisdom to resolve them before they turn to anger; and the good sense to think before we speak. 

February 26, 2009

Devotional

"For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back."

"In a surge of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your Redeemer."

"Though the mountains leave their place and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my convenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:7, 8, 10 NIV

In verses one through six of Isaiah 54, we read of God's relationship with His people of Israel. Suddenly the tone changes in verse 7 and 8 revealing a shocking truth. God does have limited patience! Imagine how the people felt when God admitted to them, "In a surge of anger, I hid My face from you, for a moment." A little scary is it not?

How many times have we heard someone say, God is mad at me because He is not answering  my prayers? We pay little attention to the phrase, God is mad at me, because most people do not believe God gets mad at us, while others maybe have not given this statement much thought. It is a given, God loves us, you and me! Yet, He said to the people of Israel, "In a surge of anger, I hid My face from you for a moment."

Maybe we need to reconsider the trust we have previously placed in a God who calls Himself a compassionate God and whose love is everlasting in verse 10. We may wonder could God, would God ever hide His face again, even for a moment. What do you think?

My answer is yes, maybe, if I do not change my ways and get serious about being a compassionate, caring and loving person of faith, hope and love for others.Maybe the season of Lent is a good time to recall those words, "In surge of anger I hid My face from you for moment" relizing God does have limits.

God's anger overcame God's love for a moment and God immediately forgave His people. What an example of the importance of forgiveness of others which is really a gift to ourself. God forgive the people and said, "Though the mountains leave their place and hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed." "...with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you."

Has your anger ever overcome your love for a moment, an hour, a day, longer? How did you resolve your anger? Is someone in need of your apology, your forgiveness?

God of compassionate love forgive those times we turn our face from You. As your people Israel, we too forget Your love at times and seek You only when our life turns upside down. Keep Your promises before our eyes and as You dwell in the depths of our hearts make your presence known in our world.

Nudge us Father in those moments we are tempted to glance away for those who approach us for help. Withhold Your anger, be patient with us and guide us along the path of righteousness and love. Give us the wisdom to believe You, the courage to trust You and the will to accept the challenges You set before our feet. Bless us in the name of Your Son Jesus and help our nation and world to heal in Your time and in Your way.